Naming My Ostomies

Many people with disabilities eventually end up getting either a colostomy or a urostomy.
—I ended up getting both.

While I was in the hospital, recovering from my urostomy surgery, the wound care nurse came in and asked me if I had named my newly installed urostomy yet.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to.”

“You haven’t named your colostomy yet either”?

“No, ma’am.”

“You need to name both of them. That’s what the others do.”

So, I figured I would name my colostomy and urostomy. I put a lot of thought into it too.

I thought about their characteristics.

  • They’re right beside each other, so they must be friends.
  • I’m a guy, so they should have guy names.
  • They get on my nerves.
  • They never act right.
  • They make noise at the most inopportune times.
  • They get me into a lot of trouble…

So, after figuring out their characteristics, I thought, “what two male friends in history have these traits.”

Then it came to me.
“Lenny” and “Squiggy.”

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