—Ridin’ A Horse—
When I became an older teenager, I received an artificial sphincter muscle.
That artificial sphincter muscle was a game-changer for me and my life.
It works like this:
It “Crimps” the Urethra shut, much like crimping a garden hose to stop the water from leaving the hose.
With the Urethra “Crimped,” I don’t Pee on myself.
To Pee, I would press a button located in my scrotum and “Open” or “Uncrimp,” the artificial sphincter muscle.
Pee would then be able to exit my body freely.
I would also Catheterize myself to make sure I got all of the urine out of my system.
After about three minutes, the artificial sphincter muscle Closes back.
That’s a very basic version of how it works.
I tell you that story, to tell you this story:
When I was a teenager, my Dad had two Horses.
He kept them in a good-sized field, and each horse had its own stall in the barn.
My brothers and I even helped fence the field in, thus, making sure the horses couldn’t get out.
I lived with Mom and Papa at the time and would come over on the weekends or weekday afternoons to help put up the fence and take care of “Smoke” and “TJ.”
Dad would give us 20 Dollars a week for our help, which was good money to a kid back then.
Dad had found a vast, open field to ride the horses.
It was several Football Fields in size.
To get there, we had to ride through the woods on a trail next to the famous “Turkey Creek.”
The last time I rode a horse, I rode “Smoke,” and my brother rode “TJ.”
We would be taking them to the field to ride, and Dad would drive over and meet us at the area.
We had gotten close to the end of the trail when Smoke and I came upon a log.
To get past the log, Smoke would have to jump over.
It was nothing new and not concerning at all. —Just a small log.
When he jumped, I got “Bucked” a little, which pushed the button on my sphincter muscle and “Opened” my sphincter muscle.
I know this because I began peeing all over myself and “Smoke.”
I guess Smoke realized I was peeing on him because he Bolted; I got “Bucked” up and down even more.
In no time, we were on the field, and Smoke was running at Full Speed.
As he ran, I would get Bucked, causing a tightening in every muscle on my body, including my stomach muscles.
As my muscles tightened, I would Pee.
The more I Pee’d, the faster Smoke ran.
The faster Smoke ran, the more he Bucked me.
And, the more he Bucked, the more I’d pee on him.
It was a vicious cycle, and I knew I was going to die that day.
We were quickly halfway across the field, and I was holding on for dear life.
“Stop!”
“Whoa, Boy!”
“Smoke!”
“I’m sorry for Pee’in on ya’!”
“Smoke, No!”
“Whoa!”
Smoke was no longer listening to me.
He was in charge.
I was peeing on him, and he didn’t like it.
I just knew I was about to get “Bucked” off.
I didn’t want to get dragged on the ground because my feet had gotten caught in the stirrups. So, I took both feet out of the stirrups.
I had my hands around Smoke’s neck, holding on as best as I could.
The end of the field was getting closer, and after the field was a trailer park.
“Smoke!”
“Dear God!”
“Stop!”
I had forgotten every command that Smoke knew.
“Whoa” was the only command I could remember, and it wasn’t working.
I knew I was going to be peeing for about three minutes.
I also knew that I should’ve Pee’d before getting on the dang horse.
After all, I had drunk several “Mt. Dews” before getting on him.
I knew my Bladder had a lot of Pee, and it wouldn’t stop coming out until my sphincter muscle Closed back up.
My brother “Tony” and his horse were way behind me at this point, but Tony knew something was wrong, and he was trying to catch up to us.
I was within Fifty Yards of the end of the field, and I knew this horse was not stopping once he got to the end. He was getting Pee’d on, and he wasn’t having any of it.
I knew I was going to have to jump off.
I began counting down for my jump.
“10, 9, 8…”
Tony and TJ pass by and get in front of Smoke and me.
Tony then stops TJ in front of Smoke which makes Smoke come to a halt.
“What Happened?” Tony asks.
“I’m covered in Pee!”
“What happened?”
“I’m covered in Pee!”
“Why?”
“Somebody’s gotta give ‘Smoke’ a bath. I Pee’d all over him.”
My brother’s Famous Grin now grew on his face.
“You Pee’d on him, and he bolted?”
“I guess he can smell it. I don’t know. I know I can…”
I begin hopping off of Smoke.
Dad comes over, “You tired of riding already?”
“You gotta take me to my car… now, Please…”
“What happened?”
“Somebodies gotta ride ‘Smoke’ back to the barn and wash him,” I said.
“I’m covered in Pee. …And so is your horse, Dad.”
… And, that is the last time I ever rode a horse.
