“I’m gonna stop complaining all of the time. I don’t like it.”
“Mom, I want you to complain. If somethings wrong, then complain.”
“Nah. I’m stopping.”
All of this got said in jest, but what I said next,…hit home.
“Mom, if I complained about my Spina Bifida fifteen times a day, would you want me to quit complaining, or would you like to know when somethings wrong?”
“I want to know when something is wrong to fix it.”
Then, this hit me: “Mom, it’s Spina Bifida. There’s nothing that can be done.”
And, the many memories of what Neuro Surgeons and a slew of other “Expert” doctors have told me over the years came to my mind: “I’m sorry, Mr. Thomas, Medical Science has only come so far. There’s nothing we can do for you right now.” And then, they always, always, always follow up with this memorized —pre-approved by the legal department— statement: “Medicine is getting better by leaps and bounds daily. Maybe we will be able to help you in ten years, but right now, you must learn to live with it.”
It used to scare me when a doctor told me this.
I’d think, “I have things wrong with me that doctors know nothing about.”
People with Spinal Cord injuries, brain issues, and a slew of other medical problems must “Learn to live with it.” or “Learn to cope with it.”
I think this is one of the things that brought me closer to God.
I had nobody that could help me. All I had was God and Prayer.
There’s a saying, “If God is all you have, then you have all you need.”
It’s a pretty saying, but when you’re a kid, knowing no one can help you is pretty scary.
When you’re a kid, you think your parents can fix everything.
Then, they take you to a doctor to see about something that is wrong with you and hopefully can “fix,” and you find out that they can’t fix anything. It’s scary.
I spent a lot of my childhood secretly scared.
All I had was God.
Some “Guy” I couldn’t see or hear.
For all I knew, it was “Santa Claus” all over again.
I was scared—a lot.
I figured if Praying was all I had, then I’d Pray. And Praying I did—all the time.
Then I figured out that I could “talk” to God through my thoughts.
So, I “talked” to God in my mind all the time.
And, one day, I realized I wasn’t as scared anymore.
I figured out that God was talking back to me. I could even feel Him in my heart and hear Him in my thoughts.
It’s probably no surprise if you’ve read my past posts that God and I go back a long way.
And I’m pretty sure it all started with someone saying, “There’s nothing we can do for you. You’ll have to learn to live with it.”
And I wasn’t willing to do that.
